Review: Andromeda Klein by Frank Portman

If you know me, you know I collect Tarot Card decks. I'm intrigued by their art, symbolism and archetypal nature. I know, however, that these are considered sinful. I have had more than one helpful, concerned Christian friend point this out to me. Using the tarot, or any form of divination, is tapping into negative powers, powers usually controlled by someone like Satan. Meant to trick you, and sway you over to his side. Additionally, attempting to obtain information about the future is an attempt to usurp God's Plan, not to mention his Power. Only He needs to know what's going to happen. Just read your bible kids, that's all you need to know.

So, since Andromeda Klein by Frank Portman has a picture of a tarot card, the 3 of Swords, right on the cover, you know it is going to be bad for you. Hooray!

Andromeda Klein is the story of an outcast. Because stories about popular kids are boring, duh. Things are kind of tough for Andromeda. She has unfortunate hair. Her mom is kind of ... horrible. Seriously, a bit fascist. She's caught the attention of a school bully. Her much older boyfriend has reappeared after months of absence and seems to want to take their text relationship to a naughty level. And her dead friend, and partner in magic, seems to be contacting her from the great beyond.

Not unlike his previous book, King Dork, there is a bit of mystery to Andromeda Klein. Why is the message the dead Daisy is trying to convey to her? Why has St. Steve suddenly reappeared? And why are the so-called "Friends of the Library" purging her precious 133 section. (133 - Dewey Decimal classification for Parapsychology and Occultism. I have a friend who knows the DD system by heart, arranges his books accordingly. I'd like to see him do the same with the Library of Congress System. Library dork fun!)

I thoroughly enjoyed all the occult and magic and fun in this book. I have read other reviews that mention the incredibly saturated beginning of the book. It's true, there is a dizzying amount of occult minutia thrown at you. As well as a lexicon Andromeda has created due to her poor hearing. This can be a distraction for someone with as much potential for sin as I. I constantly wanted to get up and google more information on the things about which I was reading. Press on, I say. You will soon get into the rhythm. Not to mention the fact that Frank Portman includes a glossary in the back. He's making it as easy as possible without dumbing down his story, kids. Say thank you.

I have heard that Dr. Frank, aka: Frank Portman, is planning to write a sequel to King Dork, which thrills me no end. I would also like to appeal to him to sequel about Andromeda. She is someone I would definitely like to follow. She is incredibly smart, a gifted mathematician, and creative. I hope she does create her twenty-two volume opus of magical history, theory and practice - Liber Klein. I mean, if she were real, which she's not. She's a character in a book, I know the difference. Sometimes. (Still waiting for my letter, Hogwarts!)

Bad deeds included in this book:

• use of divination tools, such as scrying and tarot cards
• belief and practice in the occult
• worshiping false gods
• disrespect of parents
• underage drinking
• smoking the pot
• beliefe in ghosts
• manifestation of dead people
• manifestation of demons
• clairolfaction aka: psychic smelling
• lying
• trespassing
• self administered prison tats
• sex before marriage
• text foreplay
• improper use of library card
• excess earwax buildup

There might be some I missed, but I got caught up in the story and forgot to update my List o' Sin sitting next to me on the couch. I really struggled with a rating on this one. Sometimes it's hard for people like me to believe something of interest is THAT big of a sin. Although, worshipping other gods before Him, IS on the Top Ten List of Life Instructions supposedly delivered to us by Moses. For that reason, I am giving it 4 Bad Apples.

I feel certain this book will be challenged by parents. If Andromeda had been openly gay, it would have earned at least another half apple. Parents seem to be really upset when someone in a book is gay.